The Swedish Job
Do to a lack of funds it is apparent that numbers for the Sweden trip to Sweden are dwindling. To counter this I propose a plan that should generate enough money to get to said destination and provide ample desire to be out of the country.
All persons named in this document are followed by a code name picked randomly from the Focus Do-It-All paint guide, preceding which will be the appropriate title, either Ms or Mr. In the time following reading this document persons should only be referred to using their code names.
The plan is as follows:
Dot, ‘Ms Samba’, will lead a raiding party against the Halifax building society, team members including Georgina, Jenny, Laura and Steffie, ‘Ms Flotilla’, ‘Ms Lulu’, ‘Ms Bath Time’ and ‘Ms Soft Oatmeal’ respectively. While her team members cause a distraction at the cashier windows, Dot, ‘Ms Samba’, will enter in the number for the vault and prop all intervening doors open with the nearest available chair. Once this has been accomplished, Jenny, ‘Ms Lulu’, will open the front door and release a homing pigeon, before returning inside and helping other team members prepare the gold bullion for transport and stopping anyone from making a nuisance.
After the homing pigeon has homed in on home, Sarah, ‘Ms Sushi’, will first feed the pigeon and then shoot three flares into the air. In response to this Laurie, Matt and Robyn , ‘Ms Mellow Sage’, ‘Mr Just Peachy’ and ‘Ms Rodeo Drive’ respectively, will drive three mini coopers (one person per mini) into the centre of town and then through the Halifax doors, meandering down the queue line, along the path of propped up doors and into the vault where the bullion will be loaded into the minis, taking care not to squash any luggage. While this is happening Sarah ‘Ms Sushi’ will act as look out for any forces, be it human or wildlife we're not discriminating here, out to stop this plan. Should any such forces be seen, Sarah, ‘Ms Sushi’, will launch the recently fed homing pigeon in the direction of the Halifax after attaching a word of warning to it's leg.
As soon as the bullion is loaded, all members will get into the minis and then drive up to the roof Sarah ‘Ms Sushi’ was standing on to collect her. The mini's will then drive to Birmingham Airport under the following conditions: a jump over a roof is worth 1 point; driving down a tunnel not suitable for road vehicles is worth 2 points; driving along a stretch of water for an extended period of time is worth 3 points; getting the police to chase you but handling it coolly and NOT getting caught is worth 5 points. Points will be totalled in the traffic jam for the airport and the driver with the most points will receive a free Coke on board the plane.
At the airport I, ‘Mr Magnolia’, will take a couple of bars of gold to purchase tickets to Sweden while all other persons pack gold bars around their other luggage (tip: put gold bars into shoes, its a real space saver) and check in.
Fly to Sweden.
While on the plane we will make adjustments to our accent, appearance and passport to pass ourselves off as Swedish citizens thus negating the need to explain the high gold content of our luggage to customs on our arrival.
On arriving, we will meet our contact in Sweden, ‘Mr Blue Candy’, and try to stop ‘Ms Flotilla’ from getting to excited by the new addition to the team. ‘Mr Blue Candy’ will take us to a safe house and pay the gold into the bank so it can make interest while we wait for the heat in England to cool down and enjoy a criminal, apparently snowless Swedish holiday.
This plan can go into operation at any time so be prepared.
All persons named in this document are followed by a code name picked randomly from the Focus Do-It-All paint guide, preceding which will be the appropriate title, either Ms or Mr. In the time following reading this document persons should only be referred to using their code names.
The plan is as follows:
Dot, ‘Ms Samba’, will lead a raiding party against the Halifax building society, team members including Georgina, Jenny, Laura and Steffie, ‘Ms Flotilla’, ‘Ms Lulu’, ‘Ms Bath Time’ and ‘Ms Soft Oatmeal’ respectively. While her team members cause a distraction at the cashier windows, Dot, ‘Ms Samba’, will enter in the number for the vault and prop all intervening doors open with the nearest available chair. Once this has been accomplished, Jenny, ‘Ms Lulu’, will open the front door and release a homing pigeon, before returning inside and helping other team members prepare the gold bullion for transport and stopping anyone from making a nuisance.
After the homing pigeon has homed in on home, Sarah, ‘Ms Sushi’, will first feed the pigeon and then shoot three flares into the air. In response to this Laurie, Matt and Robyn , ‘Ms Mellow Sage’, ‘Mr Just Peachy’ and ‘Ms Rodeo Drive’ respectively, will drive three mini coopers (one person per mini) into the centre of town and then through the Halifax doors, meandering down the queue line, along the path of propped up doors and into the vault where the bullion will be loaded into the minis, taking care not to squash any luggage. While this is happening Sarah ‘Ms Sushi’ will act as look out for any forces, be it human or wildlife we're not discriminating here, out to stop this plan. Should any such forces be seen, Sarah, ‘Ms Sushi’, will launch the recently fed homing pigeon in the direction of the Halifax after attaching a word of warning to it's leg.
As soon as the bullion is loaded, all members will get into the minis and then drive up to the roof Sarah ‘Ms Sushi’ was standing on to collect her. The mini's will then drive to Birmingham Airport under the following conditions: a jump over a roof is worth 1 point; driving down a tunnel not suitable for road vehicles is worth 2 points; driving along a stretch of water for an extended period of time is worth 3 points; getting the police to chase you but handling it coolly and NOT getting caught is worth 5 points. Points will be totalled in the traffic jam for the airport and the driver with the most points will receive a free Coke on board the plane.
At the airport I, ‘Mr Magnolia’, will take a couple of bars of gold to purchase tickets to Sweden while all other persons pack gold bars around their other luggage (tip: put gold bars into shoes, its a real space saver) and check in.
Fly to Sweden.
While on the plane we will make adjustments to our accent, appearance and passport to pass ourselves off as Swedish citizens thus negating the need to explain the high gold content of our luggage to customs on our arrival.
On arriving, we will meet our contact in Sweden, ‘Mr Blue Candy’, and try to stop ‘Ms Flotilla’ from getting to excited by the new addition to the team. ‘Mr Blue Candy’ will take us to a safe house and pay the gold into the bank so it can make interest while we wait for the heat in England to cool down and enjoy a criminal, apparently snowless Swedish holiday.
This plan can go into operation at any time so be prepared.
7 Comments:
Well personally I like it!
But unfortunately me and Matt haven't passed our driving tests, so we wouldn't be able to be the drivers, it would be illegal!! (although looking at the rest of the plan I don't think it'll be an issue, so sure!)
My Granpa races pigeons so I can borow one from him if you like!
Waiting for your signal!
hehehe, Ms soft oatmeal mmmmmh i want porridge
I dont like my name.
I dont get to kill people.
For the above reasons you can shove your plan up your ass and go screw a pigeon!
Gaz it might be cheaper if less people come and besides, there are more important things for them than coming to meet some "strange swedish axe murderer". They can always come next time when theyve got jobs (hint hint) and have the money to.
Aha, so I'm God-like in this plan, and leading my team into a life of crime. >:)
That was Dot, ‘Ms Samba’ not Sneffle, 'Ms Soft Oatmeal'(?) btw. Using her account. ;D
Don't worry Ms Mellow Sage, I know a couple of Italian gentlemen who could supply you and Mr Just Peachy some authentic looking drivers licenses of the English and Swedish variety.
Mr Blue Candy, in the words of Mr Burns: Eeeeeeeeexcelent.
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